Big Lead Mistake #4: Being An “Over-Explainer”

Good morning 🙂

Today’s blog post is Part 4 in my series on common mistakes writers make when crafting their leads [aka the intro to their sales copy].

copywriting

If you missed my previous blog posts on this topic, you might want to go back and read them…

Or, if you’re new to my blog and this is the first one you’ve read…

I’ve listed the previous ones here for you:

Link to Big Lead Mistake #1
Link to Big Lead Mistake #2
Link to Big Lead Mistake #3

For now, though…

Let’s go ahead and jump right in.

Lead Mistake #4 – “Being An Over-Explainer”

copywriting

Can you think of someone in your life who is an over-explainer?

They’re the WORST.

You ask them a simple question like, “hey do you know what the weather is supposed to be tomorrow?”…

And they respond with a 15 minute answer about the history of forecasting, which apps they use to check the weather, how they pick their wardrobe depending on the temperature, and twenty other things.

It’s really annoying when people do this in real life…

But it’s especially bad when people do it in their sales copy.

Remember what I’ve already said multiple times in previous blog posts…

The point of the first sentence of your lead is to get them to read the second…

The point of the second sentence is to get them to read the third…

And so on.

Your lead should be catching the prospect’s attention (aka evoking curiosity)…

Calling out their pain point…

And then promising to share a unique, and credible, solution to their pain point.

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The mistake a lot of copywriters make, though…

Is that they start trying to explain how the unique solution to the prospect’s pain point works in the lead…

And that’s WAY too early.

When you start explaining the solution to their problem in your lead…

You remove all of the mystery.

It’s kind of like going up to a stranger and asking them to have sex…

Before you’ve done any flirting, or built up any chemistry, or engaged in any foreplay.

Can it work?

Yeah, I guess…

But your chances of “getting it on” are definitely going to be a lot lower…

And, even if you do “get lucky”…

It’s probably not going to be all that great of an experience for either party.

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So, let me show you what NOT to do, and for this one we’ll use a totally made up health example:

“Hey, I’m John and inside this video I’ll be sharing the surprising reason why you feel tired all of the time.

It has to do with the discovery of a strange, microscopic enzyme inside of your liver…

And scientists have nicknamed it your body’s “battery enzyme”…

Because this enzyme determines whether you feel energized and fully charged…

Or you feel exhausted and drained.

The technical name for this battery enzyme is NP241…

And the way it works is by feeding the bacteria in your gut.

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Specifically, you have tiny blood vessels that connect your liver to your gut…

And this enzyme is made inside your liver…

Then sent into your gut through these blood vessels…

Where it latches onto your gut bacteria…

And tells them to be more active.

The reason this is important for you to know…

Is because according to Dr. So-And-So of Some Prestigious University…

About 74% of your energy comes from your gut bacteria…

And in a new study conducted by Another Prestigious University…

It was found that when your gut bacteria are more active…

You’re more active and have more energy too.

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The problem though is that when your liver doesn’t produce enough of this NP241 enzyme…

Your gut isn’t as active, and you feel tired and drained…

And according to a 2018 study at Yet Another Prestigious University…

As we get older, our bodies start naturally making less of this NP241 enzyme…

And it turns out that the reason why…

Is because of a little-studied hormone in the body called B-L-A-H.

Experts have found that our gut starts making higher levels of B-L-A-H as we get older…

And that B-L-A-H essentially “mutes” the NP241 hormone…

So that you experience less energy as the years go by.

Well inside this presentation…

I’m going to share how you can stop B-L-A-H from disrupting your NP241…

That way you once again experience a surge of replenishing energy that lasts all day long…

Just like when you were young.”

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Can you see the problem here?

The lead actually starts off promising…

But then, instead of just giving the prospect a big sexy tease and moving on…

It rapidly transitions into “over-explainer mode”…

Where we go from evoking curiosity and making a promise…

To a high school biology lesson.

That’s where you confuse and lose most of your prospects…

Which is why the lead would be 10x better if it went like this:

“Hey I’m John and inside this video I’ll be sharing the surprising reason why you feel tired all of the time.

It has to do with the discovery of a strange, microscopic enzyme inside of your liver…

And scientists have nicknamed it your body’s “battery enzyme”…

Because this enzyme determines whether you feel energized and fully charged…

copywriting

Or you feel exhausted and drained.

It turns out that as you grow older…

Your levels of this battery enzyme begin to drop…

And the reason why has to do with a certain hormone that’s virtually never discussed by mainstream science…

Even though it could be the real reason why you’re always feeling sluggish and fatigued.

That’s why inside this video…

I’m going you exactly how to get this hormone under control…

So that your battery enzyme can thrive…

And you can once again experience a surge of powerful energy that lasts all day long…

Just like when you were young.

copywriting

So if you’re sick of waking up in the morning and feeling like you’re covered in a lead blanket – because it’s almost impossible to get out of bed…

Or you’ve noticed that your brain is getting foggier and foggier with each passing year…

Or that you’re often the victim of those afternoon energy crashes…

The ones that come around 2 pm, and make you wish you could just crawl under your desk and fall asleep…

Then pay careful attention, because what you’re about to discover could change everything.

You’ll see why in just a few moments from now…

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Plus, inside this video I’m also going to be sharing the surprising reason why eating a certain type of popular cheese could be the key to doubling your energy (you often see it put on burgers, but it’s not American or Cheddar)…

Along with startling new research from Prestigious University that suggests people who chew gum weekly are at least 33% less likely to get a good night’s sleep compared to those who don’t.

All of that, and more, is coming up…

So let’s go ahead and get started.”

See the difference?

In the second version of this lead…

We teased the solution…

But then we backed away…

And left them wanting more.

It’s Copy Foreplay, if you will…

And my goodness, is it better than just jump right into things.

Okay hopefully you found this helpful.

If you are liking this series of emails on leads…

Please feel free to respond to this email and let me know 🙂

– SPG

P.S. Yesterday I shared how my podcast with Josh Felber went live. Well after I sent the email I checked my inbox and saw that a second podcast I did went live as well. This one is with my friend Rachel Ngom and her podcast “She’s Making An Impact.” I really, really enjoyed this conversation with Rachel. What’s cool is we covered some topics I don’t normally discuss on podcasts. In particular, we spent a lot of time talking about Emotional Response Marketing, which is a concept I’ve been really enjoying developing. You can listen to it here.

P.P.S. This post originally came from an email I sent to my private list. If you want to see more stuff like this from me, you can apply to join my list using this link.

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Stefan Georgi

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